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My depression story.

This year for the first time I was diagnosed with depression, I can honestly say I’ve never quite felt anything like it, I had a few days of the baby blues when my daughter was born, but that finished pretty much as quickly as it started.  This was different and so much more.

I’d had a lot going on, the realisation that my daughter may need some help and a tough start to the year,  I knew I felt really low by March. I didn’t want to leave the house or the salon. They were my ‘safe places’. The people there wanted to see me. I started to pull my eyelashes out and hair (called trichotillomania) something I hadn’t really done excessively since I was a teenager.

I wouldn’t go out with friends, I wouldn’t  sit outside with friends when I saw them and have a coffee, I mean why would they want to sit with me?  I also got to the super market one day and it took me 20 minutes to be able to get out of the car.  My friends at work came to me one day and said they were really worried about me. T…
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Yes she really has autism.

I know there are people, friends and family that have questioned whether Elizabeth has Autism. “Well she’s not got it bad has she.”  “Are you sure she’s not just being a teenager.”  “All teenagers rooms are like that”. “You need to be firmer with her”.

Although her signs maybe not as obvious as some boys can be it doesn’t mean that she’s doesn’t need a diagnosis. This should help us to understand her more.

Girls have a particularly tricky time in being referred and consequently diagnosed (it took us 16months from start to finish)  this is because girls are the master of disguise, they can mask their quirks and problems because they want to fit in socially, they copy friends. Girls often cope by scripting, repeating and  copying things they’ve heard.

Elizabeth will say hello in a social situation occasionally with a bit of  prompting, she generally will reply to a question. But how many times has the answer been simply “fine” or “ok”. She’s answered you. She’s been social but if she d…

It’s Official

Today was the day we met with Camhs for the follow up appointment with Elizabeth. We officially have a daughter diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder, Aspergers. 15 months after we started our journey.

I’d had a meeting with them a couple of weeks ago so I did know the diagnosis already, but I’d asked that they talk to her with me as she is completely in denial about it all, and thinks it is in my head. If I’m truly honest getting the official diagnosis hit me hard, although I’ve thought it for years being told it for absolutely sure was upsetting.  I truly hope at some point she realises that the whole process we’ve gone through is out of love for her, wanting to help other people understand her and at times our family dynamics. Why she behaves as she does in certain situations and why I react in certain situations that may seem harsh or bossy, or nit picking. Generally at these times I can see something brewing and I’m trying to get on top of her reactions or behaviour before i…

The Bolt

Cutting visits short and bolting from family and friends before behaviours escalate is something I do regularly, it leaves me feeling sad and lonely, but I worry that if we stay longer that we will start to become unwelcome and excluded.

I don't think that Lizzi's behaviour with cousin in particular but someone's friends can at times be overbearing, bossy controlling and not really thinking whether her actions will hurt someone physically and emotionally. She struggles with others attention over hers when they hurt themselves and is still incredibly emotional when she hurts herself and this can be frustrating.

I think my worst time for this is when I cut visits short with my twin sister or my parents, I spend a lot of time on my own with Lizzi purely because my husband is a hard working farm contractor, this can often leave me on my own until 9-10pm at night, it can be like being a single parent. This means that visiting family keeps me sane on days off.

I'd like to …

Holiday Round Up


As some of you may know my summer holiday is a family affair of 3 generations. My Daughter. Myself and my Dad this year we're accompanied by Daisy the shorkie and Poppy the Springer.  We are all learning the best ways to encourage Lizzi to help with chores and how she processes the world around her with Asd.

Today was traveling day. Lizzi and I were up before 7am. The car was packed and we were ready to go by 8am. A quick trip to the shop for toiletries, pick my dad up connect the van. And we we're off!

Lizzi decided she didn't want iPad films this journey and played on her phone and had the dog asleep on her knee most of the way.

Pitching and setting up the caravan.

We sited the van. Had some lunch. Lizzi took Daisy for a walk to the beach. While we did other jobs.  We then put up the awning.  This is always a little tricky as the big awning is only ever put up once a year and it would be fair to say stresses my dad out a little. 😉 but eventually it went up. …

Changes Galore

Our continued journey 
After our psychiatric  appointment I was feeling quite positive things were moving forward and we were getting answers. I thought we'd get the support at school we needed but that wasn't to be the case, our psychiatrist wanted the school to refer her for cognitive psychometric testing however funding was an issue. So Dr Balal referred her himself.  
School This coincided with a particularly touch time at school, there was a number of bullying instances before half term with a few different children and I felt Lizzi was retreating into herself, she was quiet, more anxious, more highly strung and I was worried.  After half term I struggled again with getting her into school. 
We had been thinking of moving her to  Manor House School  for her GCSEs, an independent private school where their ethos is 'unlocking potential.  My husband my sister and I talked to Lizzi about the possibility of moving schools for this, she was so cross! I believe this was do…

Autism, ASD, Asperger

You know
My daughter.  13years old and Perfect. 
Quirky, beautiful, caring, loyal, nervous, friendly, lonely, loving, unusual, thoughtful. PERFECT. 
I've always described my daughter as quirky, or her actions as a lizzisms. 
The start of our journey. Lizzi had some unusual behaviour at infant school,  when she was about 5 years old, she rocked constantly on her chair "went off into her special place" unfortunately we didn't have a very knowledgeable teacher, she wanted to refer to camhs but made it sound as though we were in trouble, and to be honest we panicked. She said some things that shocked me and we moved her school.

Fast forward a few years to the last year of primary school where Lizzi anxieties started to manifest, particularly with bus journeys.  The first major problem was the school residential trip which she was really looking forward to. But a few days before she started getting very upset about the upcoming bus ride.  A few children had mentioned to …